Oh, To Be Convicted...

It's been a long time since I read the word of God and had a true sense of conviction from it. I think it's just where I've been spiritually in the past year that hindered me from really listening to God, especially through His word, which is where He speaks the most. But, this morning, I was reading Ephesians 5 before work, and the language that Paul uses in this passage just got to me. Sin is big! I forget sometimes how much our sin DOES separate us from God. This passage really snapped me back to reality and back to the Gospel. Thank God for conviction, and thank God for forgiveness.

Losing My Muchness.

I know it's been quite a long time since I blogged, and I said I wouldn't do that anymore. This last month has been literally a nightmare and there have been so many times I wanted to write, but all I could do was cry. This is my first attempt at writing since things have fallen apart (or started falling together, however you look at it).

Lost the bf this month. He turned out to be not who I thought he was. Apparently spending over a year with someone does not guarantee that you know them, because things I didn't know someone could say were definitely said to me. I don't know that I've ever been hurt this badly. I know it will get better, because God restores, and that's the only thing that gets me up in the morning.

I'm also losing my apartment. My small salary and increased cost of living have finally buckled and I'm moving back in with my mother. In the same month that I will celebrate (I use the term celebrate loosely) my *26th* birthday. I have not lived at home in 7 years. But you know, I know that God will ultimately make this possible too. I've been learning many lessons in humility.

My boss decided to make this the month that she sabotaged my chances of a promotion in this agency. That was fun. I'm learning not to take everyone at their word, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing to learn or something that jaded people say.

AND I still don't have a church home, which does actually weigh very heavily on my spirits. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but I've been without one since... July? I know that God will lead me to the right one, but in the meantime, learning to trust him and be content with where I am (or where I'm not) is proving to be a big struggle.

I know this sounds like complaining. But the purpose of writing this is to say that because of the events that have happened in the last month, I feel like I may have lost some of my muchness. If this reference is lost on you, it's from the new version of Alice in Wonderland, when the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) says to Alice that's she's the same Alice but she's lost her Muchness. When I saw that I thought immediately, that's how I feel. I know that God is going to get me through all things, and I try to celebrate the small victories in the day like, hey I got out of bed, or wow, I didn't cry at all at work today, but in the moment, I feel like I'm not all here. I feel like perhaps God is humbling me? Working on my pride? Like when I thought I had things figured out He's saying "No, *I* have it figured out." So I will take today in stride, and celebrate today's small victories (like finally writing).

My First Home DIY Project!

Ok, it's not that exciting, but I saw this idea on Pintrest about putting cork board on the inside of kitchen cabinets to pin up lists and recipes, and I thought, I could do that! So I did! Here's my work!



First, these were my supplies (corkboard, scissors, and a pen):




















So I measured about an inch and a half strip down one side and then cut it and this is what I came up with:

















I did this with two pieces of corkboard and then used the adhesive that came in the pack to put it up in the cabinet (I also added some flare with push pins :) ok, I'm not that creative!):






























Ta Da! I felt quite accomplished when it was done. Now to find some recipes to pin up there...

Weddings!!!

Yesterday was my friend Danielle's wedding. It was absolutely beautiful and I was so happy I could be there for her big day! It was the first time I've stayed for a whole reception and the first time in years where I literally danced for a consecutive two hours (I didn't feel bad for skipping the gym to go to the wedding!). That said, it was a lovely day (even though the bf couldn't come :( missed him a lot). Here are some pictures to prove how lovely it was :)

Leaving for the ceremony

Above: Danielle and I at the ceremony

Below: Jeshon and I at the reception

What's a reception without a few good buddy shots??







LaWanda and Gina looking lovely!

Group shot of us at the reception

Danielle and I (again at the ceremony)

Such a nice day :) (and my first set of pictures on my blog! woo hoo!)

Well Hello Autumn!

I forget every year how much I adore Fall. It is poking it's head out for the first time today and it's so lovely! It doesn't hurt that I got a Salted Caramel Mocha this morning, and while I don't particularly like Starbucks most of the time, this drink is a win.

I'm cleaning out my apartment (and life) of things I don't want, need, or use anymore and I've been pleasantly re-energized with the results. That coupled with the beautiful weather change and my conscious effort to see how great life is daily has really reinvigorated my smile. Can't wait for the weekend!

Side note: Currently listening to Known by Audrey Assad. Perfect musical accompaniment to the weather and the coffee :)

12 Months

So... today is the one year anniversary of the day that my significant other and I became an official couple. I don't know if it's silly to celebrate anniversaries, I feel kind of silly, but I also look at it as a sort of accomplishment. These last 12 months have been filled with lots of ups and a few low downs, and at times I didn't think it would be possible to make it as far as we have. I want to take this time to celebrate 12 of the best qualities of my man :) maybe I'll even show him this blog one day!

1. Your honesty. I have never known a man to be as honest and trustworthy as you are. I thank God for placing that quality in you!

2. Your love for your children. I don't think there is anything more attractive than a man who loves, cares for, and provides for his children. I am lucky that I get to see you with them as much as I do. I have never known a man to care for his kids the way you do, and certainly not someone your age.

3. Your willingness to help others. You amaze me sometimes with the way you care about other people, and your willingness to do whatever you can to help them accomplish what they need to.

4. Your intelligence. You are constantly keeping me on my feet. I appreciate that, as the Bible says, "Iron sharpens Iron".

5. Your ability and willingness to trust God. I know that when I go to you for advice, you will tell me what you think, but ultimately you will tell me that God will always have my back. You've kept me grounded more than you know in this past year. I may not always like what you have to say, but I respect the fact that you know the Lord and that you lead me to Him like you do.

6. The way you love your family. We of all people know that families are not perfect. They are all messy and they sometimes fail us. I love the way you interact with your family, even after they've hurt you or let you down in some way.

7. Your smile. I absolutely adore your smile. It's so genuine and I love how it makes you light up.

8. Your passion for life. I can be so complacent in life sometimes, and you really push me to do what I'm made to do - to be more. You never look at anything like it is too big, and you make sure I know that it's not too big for me either.

9. Your cooking. This is probably the most superficial quality I love about you, but hey, you're an amazing cook. I literally cannot think of ONE thing you've made me in the past year that I didn't love. And I know I sometimes use the word love too loosely, but I really mean LOVE when I say this.

10. The way you motivate. You are always making me feel like I can accomplish more than I would aim for if it were up to me. You have more faith in me than I do in myself and that's the best motivator I can think of. I appreciate that more than you know.

11. The peace you bring. I'm a natural worrier. You are not. I love that! When I'm frantic and freaked out about something, you bring me back down to earth and let me know that God is always in control, not me. It's a great balance that you bring to my life.

12. You are so easy to talk to! I love that we can talk for three hours at a time and it seems like no time at all. I love that I hate to hang up the phone at night even though we've been talking for hours because I could literally talk to you all night long. It doesn't have to be about anything important, but it can be about the most important thing in the world. And you don't care if I cry! I love that. Thank you!

So thankful for these 12 months. I have learned so much about myself and so much about love and relationships that I would never have figured out on my own. I wouldn't have wanted to spend them with anyone else.

Feeling Good!

I woke up this morning feeling fabulous! I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I woke up late, thinking I was going to be late to work, only to remember that I had a doctor's appointment this morning and didn't need to go into work. Maybe it's because the doctor gave me a clean bill of health. Maybe it's because I got to stop into my favorite coffee shop and use a gift card I've been saving. Or maybe it's because I got to spend a good amount of time with a wonderful friend last night, just talking and shopping. Sometimes I forget that it's good to just chat with friends. I think God uses that time to refresh and renew.

All I know is that today I feel like I can take on the world. Last night I took on my closet which was a bigger endeavor than I had originally anticipated. The result though is an immaculately organized dresser and an organizer with two free drawers! woo hoo! I also cleaned out one of my kitchen cabinets (5 million more to go!) so I felt pretty accomplished by the time I went to bed. In my attempt to live my life more simply, I've also decided to de-clutter. Which means getting rid of lots of things - starting with shoes, clothes, and random kitchen items I don't care about. My plan is to be down about half of my things by the time I move this fall. Let the donations begin!!

Looking forward to the rest of my day - not really sure why :)

Dreaming Big?

So the name of my blog page is "Dream Big" and I try to do that. But lately I have been discovering that sometimes I dream so big that I overwhelm myself and end up dreaming big but doing little. That is the opposite of what I want to do. SOOOOOO my solution to this is to start being practical with my "doing" while still dreaming big. I'm going to start blogging about things that seem small, but isn't that what life is all about? The small things? I want to make sure I don't overlook small things and opportunities to "be" or "do" just because they aren't the "big" picture.

I want to live my life. I don't want it to pass me by. So I know that no one really reads this, but I'm going to start documenting life on here. Isn't that what this is for anyway?

I don't have anything profound to say today. I'm actually really looking forward to my night, because I get to spend it with a good friend, doing a little female bonding over sushi and shopping and maybe I'll write a little about it sometime later this week. Who knows. I just know I want to stop missing my opportunities to enjoy things - even things that seem so small. I've done too much overlooking in the past year and I regret that. I don't want to look back on another year and regret it all over again. Here's to living :)

Random shout out: Audrey Assad's album "The House You're Building" is completely amazing. Get it if you haven't already!!

1 Corinthians 2 - Wisdom

So, I'm doing a reading plan through Corinthians with 2 of my girls and we just started, so today is 1 Corinthians 1 & 2. I forgot how much I love Paul's writing; he's so raw, it's amazing. 1 Corinthians 2: 1-5 hit me because lately I've been feeling so dumb. Seriously. I feel like any intelligence I once had has been drained out of my being and I had no idea why... until now.

1 And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. 2 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3 I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. 4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, 5 so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God's power.

I have been seeking after intelligence and not wisdom. God gives intelligence to people, but if I'm not seeking after His WISDOM first, why would He bless me with intelligence? All the worldly intelligence available is nothing without Godly wisdom. I have to count it ALL AS LOSS before I can appreciate what I haven been given and glorify Him with my mind, body and spirit. I can't let MYSELF get in the way of the Gospel, and I believe that is something I've been guilty of lately. Anyway, just a random thought... something I know I need to work on, thank God for the Word of God.

Takin' it BACK!

I wrote this blog originally over three years ago... but it's still one of my favorites, so I thought I'd bring it back...

I'm blogging about a word I hate... but it means so much! The word is reconcile. I hate it because churchy people tend to throw it around too much and misuse the true meaning. However, I like it in the way that I just read about it in this book called The Shack by William P. Young. In this book God (Papa) is explaining reconciliation to a man (Mack). In it He says, "Honey, you asked me what Jesus accomplished on the cross; so now listen to me carefully: through His death and resurrection, I am now fully reconciled to the world."
"The whole world? You mean those who believe in You, right?" (Mack)
"The whole world, Mack. All I am telling you is that reconciliation is a two way street, and I have done my part, totally, completely, finally. It is not the nature of love to force a relationship but it is the nature of love to open the way."

Now, I realize that these are not quotes from the Bible. However, I believe in the truth behind them. I'm not one to believe that God only loves those who love Him back, so this concept truly struck me as amazing. Pretty great to serve this God.

WHOA!!!

It's been over a year since I wrote a blog... time flies right? In the past year it seems like everything and nothing has changed all at the same time. It would be the world's longest blog if I tried to put it all into words, so I'll just sum it up like this: God has been faithful, as He said He would be. That might sound cliche, but it's true and He deserves all the glory. I can honestly say that this has been a year of joy, a year of pain and a year of learning. Every day is a struggle; it is times like these that remind me of a song (yes I know, I think in songs, bear with me!) called "The Desert Song" by Hillsong United. One of the lyrics says:

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

It's like sometimes I forget that I'm in a battle that Christ has already won. I forget that for as many down days as I have, Christ will lift me up. It's not over. Sometimes I get so weary in battle, I forget why I fight, I forget my purpose. But Christ never forgets me, even when I feel like He does. Maybe I'm just babbling, but I hope this encourages you too because Christ remembers you every day of your life.